In Yupik, the word for wolf is...

The Tokyo Experience: Summarized

2007-01-14T14:01:00.000-05:00

Tokyo: A Fight to the Finish (with wailing guitar mania)

"Alpha, Rita's escaped. Recruit a team of 5 teenagers... with attitude." -Zordon

P.S. Boogs.

Missing Persons Report 11.29.2006

2006-11-29T09:35:00.000-05:00

This is an emergency listing using all known contact points for the following missing person. This is being used in order to help locate a man or woman who has gone missing in recent days after all other means have been exhausted.

Subject Profile

Name: Doyen, Daniel Raymond
Date and Location of Birth: 01.22.1985/Bay City, Michigan, USA
Last Known Residence: Showa-ku, Nagoya, Aichi, Japan
Other Known Residences: Bay City, Michigan, USA; Ortonville, Michigan, USA; Rochester, Michigan, USA; Shan-Ten, Yishun, Singapore
Known Aliases: Jack Doyen; Schlomo Lazarr; Wasabi California
Known Affiliations: The Googly-eyed Militia; The Ambassadors of Pain; The NESTS Project
Last Seen: Mr. Doyen was last scene outside of the Heaven's Door bar in Sakae, Nagoya, Aichi, Japan on 11.27.2006. It was unclear as to what exactly he was doing at the time, though witnesses say that he was wearing a suit and monocle, shouting garbled English that resembled the American National Anthem while pounding shots of an unknown liquid from an old half-litre Coke bottle tied to his waist. While the exact contents of the bottle are unknown, it is known from interviews with friends that he referred to the yellow-brown cocktail as the "Johnny Mnemonic."

Mr. Doyen was known to have spent the past several months freelancing as a small-time arms dealer for underground crime syndicates in the Nagoya area, though sources close to the suspect say they believed he was attending classes at the local Nanzan College. Records state that not only was he not attending school there, but Nanzan College doesn't exist.

Prior to patronizing the Heaven's Door bar on the night of his disappearance, Mr. Doyen was photographed by a hidden security camera inside of a Japanese Fantasy Garden named "赤くて茶色いせき”, a prostitution outlet famous for its dedication to fulfilling its patron's fantasies totally and completely, no matter how outrageous or obscene. The abovementioned photo follows, though please be warned: what you are about to see is graphic in nature and not intended to be viewed by minors. If you suffer from pulmonary diseases or are pregnant or nursing, please be advised to skip to the following paragraph.

Last known photograph of Mr. Doyen, showing Dan in the middle of a "Full Fantasy" courtesy of the "赤くて茶色いせき". Subject located on right side.

If you or anyone you know currently has information on the whereabouts of Mr. Doyen, please contact the Aichi Prefecture Missing Persons Hotline, which can be reached at 08055378008. Any help given in regards to this matter would be greatly appreciated. Confidentiality is guaranteed.

Thank you for your time.

An Epic Haiku In Extended Tanrenga Form with Accompanying Pictures

2006-10-07T05:16:00.000-04:00

Title: Japan a Dix-heur
Author: Doyen, Daniel
Style: Haiku in Extended Tanrenga
Copyright 2006

Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer
Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer
Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer
Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer
Autumn rain sings like the sweetest eyes

Drinking Beer in a Public Park in Osu

Drinking Beer In a McDonald's Smoking Section

Drinking Beer on a Bridge Overlooking Traffic

Drinking Beer by a Bicycle

Drinking Beer by a Train Station

RYUUGAKUSEI: Embarrassing America since 1904

note: this will probably (maybe) be the last post I make about such idiocy

Japan - For the Unemployed and Underpaid

2006-09-30T03:11:00.000-04:00

So, in three days time, I will have officially been in Japan for one month. Things are starting to calm down here a little bit more with every passing day; my Japanese has become fluent enough for day-to-day speech (for the most part) and certainly fluent enough for all the necessary functions of daily life. I'm starting to find myself in a daily (or even weekly) routine here, which is a welcome/unwelcome relief from the insanity that was the first 2 weeks of my Japanese existence. I truly relished the fact that at any given moment of any day could find me lost and isolated with no easy way to find my way home (and this certainly happened more than a few times) but it was starting to burn me out. I think I am still jet-lagged.

Because I don't really have a whole lot of good pictures to post, here is a good, quick rundown of my likes/dislikes of the country in which I now reside, in an easy-to-follow list format:

Likes
The hustle and bustle of Nagoya City Life. It's difficult to realize just how truly boring of a tar pit Rochester is until you get out there and see what it's like to live in a real-live city, with real-live public transportation and real-live people who do real-live things like eat at real-live cheap ramen bars and just walk around to see the real-live city around them. Nagoya also scores points for being big enough to have tons of shit to do, but small enough that I am not lambasted by an urban crush.

Living in a big city that isn't Detroit. Alright, so I do love Detroit, and all of it's wiles and charms and cancerous growths, but I still wouldn't walk around the place at three in the morning just for the hell of it. I fnd myself laughing everytime one of the locals talks about how unsafe Nagoya is; I'm from Detroit, motherfuckers. Have any of you seen 8 Mile? That's danger. I tremble to think how the Japanese would react to the location of the 2500 Club bar and it's scenery, namely me vomiting my guts out all over the curb while police cruisers zip by. Seriously, Nagoya has around 2000 crimes a year per 100,000 people. As opposed to Detroit, in which, oh, say, you are almost as likely to be murdered as you are to die in the Iraq war. That's almost a real statistic, folks. Anyways, I do enjoy living in a city where your Japanese roomate tells you to "not lock the door. It's too annoying having to unlock it all the time."

Quick Crime Comparison
Detroit Crime: Man Rapes and Murders 7 Prostitutes
Nagoya Crime: Organized Crime Syndicate using the homeless to steal Aluminum Cans from Recycling Bins, City Officials "Pretty Angry"

There is no Last Call, and no Public Drinking Laws. You want to drink until 6 in the morning? You can go right ahead, buying the alcohol as you go. Convenience stores are open 24 hours a day, and you can buy beer at any of them at any time. Not only that, but if you want to drink right there on the street, you can do that too. Want to drink right there in the convenience store? Noone's going to stop you. It's incredible. It's liberating. It's Japan.

Dislikes
Not enough beards. Seriously. After I shaved my beard last week (gotta grow it back) that brought the grand-total of beards in my entire dormitory to zero. WHERE ARE ALL THE BEARDS! I NEED MORE BEARDS!

The fact a cataclysmic earthquake could obliterate the entire city of Nagoya at any moment. So, apparently there is this thing they are expecting called the Taiko Daijisshin (which translates roughly into the 'huge taiko earthquake) which, when it happens, could just destroy everything. They've been expecting it to come for about ten years now, but with my luck on the side of Nagoya, it just might happen soon. It's a serious thing; for example, when they figure out it's on it's way, they will blow city air-raid sirens four times, specialized vans will careen up and down the roads telling everyone to get to someplace safe (of which there are few) and, get this, the prime minister overrides all television programs to give a speech which basically boils down to "Well, uh, goodluck. I'll be in my airplane." The expected transcript translates into something that sounds straight out of Bill Pullman in Independance Day. Ah well. Bring it on, I say!

That's pretty much how I feel right now, which, looking back, is a pretty pitiful list. That's too bad though, because I am really hungry; goddamn I need a bento like 10 minutes ago.

Picture posts are cruise control for cool

2006-09-16T01:52:00.002-04:00

Time to just throw a whole bunch of my pictures at the wall and see what sticks. Stories will accompany any that I find particularly interesting.

A Picture of my apartment the moment I entered it. The incredible amount of garbage and shit left behind is fascinating, because it belongs to none of my roomates, and the previous dwellers moved out months ago. It's like they all of the died simultaneously and left all of their shit behind: bags of unsorted garbage, dirty plates and pans in the sink, rotten milk from months ago in the fridge, a map of China, a stolen sign that tells you not to let your dog shit on the street, moldy soap. They left behind all their shoes, towels, and even some clothes. The worst part is, because the garbage is unsorted, we can't even throw the stuff away. Also, though the picture can't show it, the entire apartment bears the distinct reek of cigarettes and vomit.

Another Picture of my disgusting apartment. Take particular notice of all of the stuff on the counter by the sink, once again all of which had been left behind and not cleaned. My personal favorite was the pot on the stove that was still half full with old miso soup, also from the former tenants.

Me and my roomates. What a goddamn plucky bunch we are. From left to right: Ryohei, Jack, Shin Daeng, Blake. Japanese, American, Korean, Australian. Yakuza, Penniless Bum, Chain Smoker, Gay. Plum Sake, Kirin Beer, Soju, Whisky. Shin Daeng two nights ago was the first one in the apartment to drink too much and throw up (incidentally on his bedroom floor), also managing to slam his face on the toilet during the prolonged process, and leaving a huge bruise and cut just below his right eye. He also loves to shout "Sake BOMB" whenever we are drinking, though his form of the drink is a little different from the red-bull and sake version we have in the states: mix one part sake, one part soju, one part whisky, 3 parts beer, and one part of whatever else is left on the table, be that coke or orange juice or more beer or (as is typically the case) vodka/plum wine/Creme de Cassis de Dijon liquer. Ryohei is never around, though when he drinks he drinks hard. Blake drinks bourbon and coke as a matter of course every night with dinner. I feel my liver slowly dying. With glee.

The Bourbon that Blake brought with him from Australia. So smooth, so smoky, so gorgeuosly delicious. Can you imagine how I felt when I saw this, being a bourbon drinker in the states? I'll give you a hint: I saw the beginning of a beutiful friendship.

The Garden/porch outside of my room. Perfect for those brutal mornings-after where I can enjoy my Lucky Strike (oh I love you Lucky Strike) and vegetable juice and look at the skyline, listening to the crows caw and caw and caw.

I don't even really know who that is wearing my glasses, though he was at my apartment last night chugging straight sake. He also started doing pushups on the kitchen floor, which is something I've only ever seen Japanese people do when they've drunk too much. I hear he didn't make it through the night withouth hwoarfing, though I doubt it ended as badly as poor Shin Daeng's night.

That's about it. I'm off to go find cell-phone danglies for my new Japanese cell phone. If any of you want to email my phone, you should do it, because I get it immediately and can respond in turn: my email is luckystrikeshachou@ezweb.ne.jp. Know it, use it, love it. It will be more accessible to me than my gmail account anyways.

Also, Dave and Andrew: Goddamn are we gonna tear this place up. I need some good old-fashined Rochester loving in Japan. Make it so!

LATER DUDEZ.

Victoly!!!

2006-09-10T06:53:00.000-04:00

So, despite all of my pessimistic beliefs to the contrary, here I sit in Japan, typing from the room of someone who might just be my girlfriend
oh wait what

Yeah, so the last week or so of my life has been one wild bizarre ride of epic proportions. There is no way that I could summarize the entire thing here, tonight, while a 19-year-old Japanese girl with questionable English lays in short pants not two feet from where I sit, stealing her internet to bring you this news from the front lines. Unbelievably enough, this is not a joke.

However, I will summarize what I can:

-The Plane Flight wasn't terrible. I toughed it out prett well, actually, thanks to a whole heap of sleeping pills given to me by Mr. Jay George, as well as a powerful all-nighter pulled with the help of Mr. Brandon Culp. I didn't sleep as much as I wanted, but I guess being unconscious for 50% or so of the plane ride isn't so bad.
-My Roomates (as well as most people I have met here) are absolutely in-fucking-credible. I figured that once I showed up in Japan I would be lambasted by flurries of American Otaku retards, though this turned out to be a total falsehood. While there are certainly a fair shake of Otaku here, my apartment situation has, thus far, been more than I could have hoped for. I live with a chain-smoking Korean who can't speak a single word of English (besides "cocksucker", and holy shit does he love that word) and hardly any Japanese, a homosexual Australian who is in Japan looking for love and who also has an incredible grasp of Japanese and the Japanese people, and a Japanese hard rocker who works a Mahjong Parlor everynight, is basically AWOL most of the time, who we all think is Yakuza (more on that later), and who makes a mean fucking bowl of KimChi Nabe. We speak Japanese almost all the time, as two of them can't speak English, and what I don't understand I can always turn to the Australian to learn. We drink almost every night while watching Japanese television (Soju is the Korean and my drink of choice) and are just generally having a great time.

I want to tell you more right now, but it will have to wait. Classes start tomorrow (which I am not excited about at all), so we will see how that goes.

HONTO DESU

-dan

The Long Kiss Goodbye

2006-08-29T15:09:00.000-04:00

A huge thanks goes out to everyone who made me happy to have friends in Rochester: while I am typically a little uncomfortable as the guest of honor anywhere, you all made me feel welcome and important. That's no easy feat! If any of you want to stop in to Ortonville before Sunday, I can treat you to at least one delicious pitcher of cheap beer sprinkled with a whole load of redneck.

So, here's to (in no particular order) all the people who came to see me off on Saturday, both physically and in spirit: Andrew, Jason, Mike F, Mike P, Kyle, Lance, Laura, Ryan, George R.R. Martin, Kathy, Gainer #1, Gainer #2, Old Grand Dad, Mike T, Mark, Charlie, Sarah, Lisa, Samuel L. Jackson, Jay, Darlene, Old Stonewall Tong, Matt, Amanda, Brandon, Ivan Libinsky, Mike S, Lisa T, both Colonel and John Cabot, Frank, Jethro Tull, Brian, Families Stark and Lannister (both living and deceased), my ten billion extended family members, and anyone else who showed up to either of the parties thrown that day. I enjoyed the intimacy of the night and the excitement of the day, and hope you'll keep the good fight going on in Rochester and Ortonville; however -

I think we all know who the true MVP of the night was:

Thank you, White Castle Crave Case. Though you stayed at the party for only a short period of time, your presence was felt by all in attendance both the night of and the morning after.

You may have already passed through my bowels, but you will be in my heart forever.

Crave Case Oath: "I hereby promise to share the contents of this Crave Case freely with my friends, and have them read this pledge, and while they are so distracted grab several burgers for myself."

See you guys on the other side.

Much Ado about Nothing

2006-08-29T14:31:00.000-04:00

Well, I suppose a little introduction to the blog that will chronicle the upcoming year of my life (and possibly beyond) is in order, both as a welcome and a forewarning to any who plan to delve it's murky depths; abandon all hope ye who enter here.

Anyone who is reading this blog probably already knows my name and why I am writing this but I will reiterate it anyways: I'm Dan Doyen, though my friends call me Jack (maybe), and I am an undergrad student at Oakland University studying for my Bachelor's degree in East Asian studies. For the next year of my life which also happens to encompass the 06-07 schoolyear, I will be studying abroad at Nanzan University in Nagoya, Japan.

I am both excited and hesitant about the year ahead; being an East Asian major who got into the program has been an uphill battle from the very beginning. Unlike what seems to be 80% of my peers in the program, I did not enter this vein of study for reasons related to anime, manga, or video games. I am a history and language fanatic, and only chose this course of study because it was availabe to me at the time, and I happen to adore Asian history.

This is not to say, however, that I can't slaughter anyone at a game of Dr. Mario or Bubble Bobble. Yes, I know Bubble Bobble is a co-op game, but my declaration still stands. I also was at one point and time a mere 3 seconds away from holding the world speed-run record for Super Mario Bros. I also might impress you with my increadible plethora of pre-32bit videogame knowledge.

So, what can you expect out of this blog? Well, let me break it down to you in an easy list format:

-Lots of swearing. I tend to curse a bit when I write, much like I curse a lot when I talk. It's the sailor heritage in me, I guess.
-Uncut, unedited journalism right from the frontlines. This blog will be R rated, make no mistake. I plan to have many zany adventures while in Japan, and many of them will most likely take place while drunk. This ain't a blog for your grandmothers, folks!
-Infrequent posting standards. I used to have a livejournal a year or so ago. I deleted it because I decided I hated internet blogging. Now I have one again. I still don't really like internet blogging.
-Pictures. I bought a digital camera for the first time in my life just for this trip. I can't promise it will get a lot of use, but I will try my best!
-Slo-motion action sequences. No explanation necessary.
-Motherfucking Snakes on a lot of motherfucking things. Go see Snakes on a Plane. It will change your life.
-Most of my posts being as unintelligable and rambling as this one, though I am sort of anal about grammar and spelling, so I'll try my best in those areas.

So, uh, you should stay tuned! In the next episode, I might just buy a whore, and there is no way you would want to miss that!

I saw the Advantage

2006-08-21T19:42:00.000-04:00

So, I recently (as in last night) was given the absolute pleasure to see the incomperable band The Advantage alongside good friends Kyle, Mike, Brandon, Old Stonewall Tong, and new addition Lisa Booty (Buty? Buti?) who refused to introduce herself till about halfway through the night and was sassy to the extreme. As for The Advantage, they promised me (as per their flier) out of control nintendo rock, and goddamnit that was exactly what they delivered upon, with interest.

They managed to pull together a pretty decent show without pandering too much to the audience. They avoided the Mario Bros. songs, as well as the Zelda stuff (which people were calling for) in lieu of better, more rocking of awesome Contra, Megaman, and Castlevania tunes. I got to hear Batman - Stage One, which is pretty much my favorite song by them, and it pretty much coalesced by me shitting myself with glee. The drummer had an assload of energy alongside an assload of beard, and everyone was pretty impressive at their respective instruments. I also suprisingly enjoyed the opening act of M. Sord, and even tried to get him to sign my wifebeater. To his credit he gave an effort, but my pen ran out only after getting the M and the S in. We were all a little disappointed that the true draw of the night, Tentacle Lizardo, was a no-show.

I would have loved to see some Tentacle Lizardo.

To further the unfortune of the night, I forgot my camera, so instead here is a fantastic picture of two random hobos we saw on the street:

Ugh, back into the blogging mix. It feels kind of.... nostalgic.

whut

2006-08-06T15:13:00.000-04:00

I BE GOING TO JAPAN

THIS IS A TEST POST